Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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