just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
