great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
