so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
