ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
