so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
