This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
So apparently I’m into choking now
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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