yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
