well I can't set my house on fire every night
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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