well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible