My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.