I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...