The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
