I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
