Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
