Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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