She's JV to your varsity
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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