he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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