well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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