I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
