I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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