thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
