someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
