Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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