R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
