Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
