This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
