Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
