Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
