dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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