I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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