My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
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I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
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