You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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