The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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