I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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