Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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