Nicole vs. Life
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Shame is for Republicans.
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