I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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