My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
