just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
