You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Panties = found
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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