she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
