Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
