The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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