a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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