i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
