lets start a swedish sibling band together
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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