My boss' voice literally gives me gas
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
