i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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