I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
