Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize