Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
