Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
