i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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