So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Sext me about skeletons
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
