As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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