i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
