Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
