Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
