just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
