They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
