Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
This girl is more easily done than said...
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
