is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
