shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
