Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
