She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
