margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
