How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
