someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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