i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
