she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
