Non-Jews are for practice
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
