I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I had to cum in my sink.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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