Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
