Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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