we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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