i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
We are all done wearing pants today
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
