I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
